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| Sacred Science |
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| John Keely's Sacred Science |
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Topic: Jokes Section: English Table of Contents to this Topic |
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Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn: 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuseÊmore refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, hethought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bassÊdrum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about howÊto row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does areÊpresent. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into aÊsewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught hisÊsow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw gotÊnumber. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shedÊa tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series ofÊtests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimateÊfriend? There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple norÊpine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in EnglandÊor French friesÊin France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren'tÊsweet, are meat.Ê Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and aÊguinea pig is neither from GuineaÊnor is it a pig. And why is it that writersÊwrite but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?ÊOne goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that youÊcan make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends andÊget rid of all but one of them, what do you call it ? Is it an odd, or an end? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eatsÊvegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people reciteÊat a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? HaveÊnoses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise manÊand a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of aÊlanguage in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.ÊThat is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights areÊout, they are invisible. |
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