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Topic: Jokes
Section: Help Call
Table of Contents to this Topic
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I  know why they record these conversations!):

 Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

 Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

 Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"

 Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden  the words went away."

 Operator:         "Went away?"

 Caller:              "They disappeared."

 Operator:         "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

 Caller:              "Nothing."

 Operator:         "Nothing??"

 Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

 Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

 Caller:              "How do I tell?"

 Operator:         "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"

 Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"

 Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

 Caller:              "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept  anything I type."

 Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

 Caller:              "What's a monitor?"

 Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

 Caller:               "I don't know."

 Operator:          "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find  where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

 Caller:              "Yes, I think so."

 Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's  plugged into the wall.

 Caller:              "Yes, it is."

 Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

 Caller:               "No."

 Operator:          "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

 Caller:               "Okay, here it is."

 Operator:          "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

 Caller:               "I can't reach."

 Operator:          "OK Well, can you see if it is??"

 Caller:               "No."

 Operator:          "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

 Caller:               "Well, it's not because I don't have the right  angle -- it's because it's dark."

 Operator:          "Dark??"

 Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I  have is coming in from the window."

 Operator:           "Well, turn on the office light then."

 Caller:               "I can't"

 Operator:          "No? Why not??"

 Caller:               "Because there's a power failure."

 Operator:           "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"

 Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

 Operator:           "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you  bought it from."

 Caller:                "Really? Is it that bad?"

 Operator:           "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

 Caller:                "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell  them??"

 Operator:           "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"
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