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| Sacred Science |
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| John Keely's Sacred Science |
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Topic: Jokes Section: Help Call Table of Contents to this Topic |
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Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now IÊ know why they record these conversations!): ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "What sort of trouble??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a suddenÊ the words went away." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Went away?" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "They disappeared." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Nothing." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Nothing??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "How do I tell?" ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "What's a sea-prompt?" ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Never mind, can you move your cursor around theÊscreen?" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't acceptÊ anything I type." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "What's a monitor?" ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like aÊTV. Does it have a little light that tells youÊwhen it's on??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "I don't know." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and findÊ where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Yes, I think so." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it'sÊ plugged into the wall. ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Yes, it is." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice thatÊthere were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "No." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Well, there are. I need you to look back there againÊand find the other cable." ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Okay, here it is." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securelyÊinto the back of your computer." ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "I can't reach." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "OK Well, can you see if it is??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "No." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and leanÊway over??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Well, it's not because I don't have the rightÊ angle -- it's because it's dark." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Dark??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light IÊ have is coming in from the window." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Well, turn on the office light then." ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "I can't" ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "No? Why not??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Because there's a power failure." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got itÊlicked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff thatÊyour computer came in??" ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack itÊup just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store youÊ bought it from." ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Really? Is it that bad?" ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Yes, I'm afraid it is." ÊCaller:Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tellÊ them??" ÊOperator:Ê Ê Ê Ê ÊÊ "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!" |
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