Sympathetic Vibratory Physics -It's a Musical Universe!
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Topic: Jokes
Section: New Stock Market Terms
Table of Contents to this Topic
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS ............ ...

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer 

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 

BROKER - - What my broker has made me. 

STANDARD & POOR  -- Your life in a nutshell. 

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. 

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. 

FINANCIAL PLANNER - - A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it  to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. 

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. - 401-K eg Plan If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.    It is called the 401-K eg Plan.
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